Vices

An answer responding to the question of what vices I had planned to cultivate over spring break:

I have an older sister named, Day. Yes, that’s D-A-Y. Clearly, drugs fit in somewhere in my parents’ history…and my brother’s, and my sister’s. My parents have always encouraged me to expand my mind, whether its tagging along on a family trip to a meditation camp in the Virginia mountains or sitting quietly while Daddy hypnotizes me, so I can discover my identity in a past life. My brother found easier ways, through experimentations that left he and his friends sluggish, cranky, and hungry for my precious French bread pizzas. Drugs are a common vice, but too easy, and frankly, unoriginal.
My father’s family so generously threw alcoholism into the gene pool. I have yet to thank them for their gift. Yet, it is unlikely that you will find me deep inside a bottle over the break. I wouldn’t wish that upon even the most hated enemy. I fear that my antics would be inexcusable and unforgivable.
Instead, this break I shall focus on vice in its purest form, the Capital Vices, the Seven Deadly Sins: lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy, and pride. Skipping lust, because a lady doesn’t speak of such things, I will engage in most satisfying gluttony. I will over- indulge in every sweet, east of the Mississippi. I will then engage in pride and hit the gym to make my body pay for these indulgences. No doubt wrath will come when my mother voices her disapproval for my shopping habits which I suppose, expose my greed. Sloth will come easily by sleeping the day away and my trip with end with envy of those who don’t have to return to Texas.
To avoid going strait to hell, in the following weeks I will repent by practicing temperance, charity, diligence, forgiveness, kindness, and humility.